Self-awareness is the best tool for finding a great guy. But “be yourself” is terrible advice.
If you’re committed to being in a relationship and you’ve been on this journey a while, it can seem frustrating. There is conflicting advice – from “how your gut can tell you if someone’s really into you” to “high maintenance women will ALWAYS get the best guys” through to “Break Through the Blocks Keeping You Single And Attract Soul Shaking Love!”
There’s nothing wrong with all this material – the fact there’s so much shows that there’s room for everyone, and there is something that will appeal to you.
Know Who You Are
It’s not a quick fix – being yourself means you have to know who you are
When someone says “just be yourself” that’s all very well. But to be yourself, you need to know who you are and what you stand for. This doesn’t happen without thoughtful action. It’s not quick fix. It takes consistency and time.
Most of us pretend who we are to the people around us. We don’t want to be vulnerable so we protect ourselves from being hurt to survive our experience. This is normal behaviour – but it comes at a price – who we are gets buried under protective layers. It means “being yourself” becomes a difficult thing to do.
Stephen Covey’s classic book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” proposes creating a mission statement for your life to give you a clear sense of who you are. It’s a creation of a foundation on which you can build your sense of yourself.
Most single women want the quick step plan to creating a relationship. Being yourself requires deep self-awareness – which most people don’t want to deal with, spend time on, or put work into.
Be Real. Act Authentically.
So what can you do? Be real. Act authentically. Look at your life and drop the acts, strategies, steps, plans, and take care of yourself. Consider, identify and empower your talents. More practically, the journey of finding a quality man starts with creating your personal mission statement. Get clear about who you are moment by moment, day by day, and choosing a great guy becomes simpler.
Suggested Actions:
Create Your Own Mission Statement using one of the two exercises below. Doing this work will deepen your self-awareness. This will significantly enhance your ability to choose a great guy.
Exercise A:
- Get a book/ journal. Spend some time alone to think about and write ideas for the following:
- What’s important to me? Make a list of the qualities or behaviours that you consider important (e.g. I’m responsible for my life).
- What values do I hold above all others? (E.g. Being on time). Make a list of 10-12. Narrow it down to the top 3-5.
- What are my strengths? What do I enjoy doing? Make a list of 10-12. Narrow it down to the top 3-5.
- From everything you’ve written, craft your own personal mission statement.
Exercise B:
- Start a journal of being in the zone:
- List all the times each week where you’ve been really enjoying yourself.
- Do this for a month.
- At the end of the month look for patterns.
- From this create your list of values, and craft your own personal mission statement.
Want more?
Have you ever asked yourself ‘Why can’t I meet good men?’ Discover your ‘Natural Dating Strategy’ and find out the answer.
What do you notice is your barrier to being real?
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash