When creating a relationship, our feelings and states of mind can be overwhelming and tiring.
It can seem as if our feelings have us, rather than us having our feelings.
And yet, they’re constantly changing; perhaps nobody or no single thing can make us feel anything – they simply come and go like the weather.
This is not to negate our feelings. I simply suggest we have the choice not to be run by them. Our feelings can be useful and informative. But most of us trust them very little. Intuition is dismissed.
Clarity and Purpose
Neale Donald Walsch’s spiritual (and yet practical) writing sets the idea that feelings are powerful, and useful, but often drowned out by the noise of everyday life.
When things are going great – it’s wonderful. When they are going badly – it’s horrible. There is no freedom in living this way. It means we are beholden to our feelings. And they are constantly changing.
Your relationship journey can be like this too. The everyday experiences and rush of doing what there is to do, mean that you can miss the opportunities and experiences to meet great guys. And when things don’t happen as we might expect, it then becomes much easier to see the negative; when we’re committed to creating something (a wonderful relationship) what shows up the most around us, are all the reasons, ideas, and circumstances – everything – that’s not the thing we want (no decent men, no time to meet great guys, not being able to choose or create what you want…etc).
Underneath the day-to-day there is a deeper sense of clarity and purpose about our lives. By getting in touch with that part of ourselves, we have the chance to bring energy into our everyday experience. On your relationship journey, separating the surface feelings from deeper commitments can allow you to stay true to your commitment.
Trust your Commmitment
One of my favourite fables about connecting and trusting this deeper sense of life is one I first heard from Derek Silvers on Tim Ferriss’ podcast.
A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.
His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corralled all 21 horses.
His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.
His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.
His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
The point is, nobody can make you feel anything. Whatever the circumstances, however it’s going with your commitment to create a wonderful relationship, you have a choice.
Suggested Actions
- Begin a meditation practice to start to discover calmness and clarity amongst the changes in life.
- Start saying “I choose” instead of other phrases such as “I have to”, “I must…”, or “I should”. Notice the effect on your experience of your day-to-day experience. What difference could thinking this way bring to your relationship journey?
Want more?
Have you ever asked yourself ‘Why can’t I meet good men?’ Discover your ‘Natural Dating Strategy’ and find out the answer.
How could you go beyond your feelings? What actions could you take? Let me know in the comments.
Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash
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