Some women find it easy to meet men. But how do you find the Quality Men from the just Nice Guys?
This is the final part in a series of three posts giving ways you can identify the good guys around you. Number One was spend time listening. Number Two was to look for clues that he’s self-aware. The third is that he’ll be interesting and interested.
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Cultivating My Interests Meant Conversation Flowed
Thinking back through my journey, another turning point was starting to do things I wanted to do. It was like exploring Dale Carnegie’s classic phrase “to be interesting, be interested”. Taking the time to be interested in a range of things meant I had bunch more stuff I could share. The unexpected knock-on effect was that I found conversations flowed more easily.
A good conversation is like a game of catch. As I cultivated my interests, so I played more games of catch – and discovered that people have all sorts of cool stuff to share. This process of discovery took the attention off me and put it onto the other people around me.
For example, I played in a couple of bands for a while – although we only did a couple of gigs! One of my best friends had the idea of starting a record label. We ran a night showcasing young bands. It wasn’t hugely successful but it was a lot of fun. And this was all before Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat.
At the same time, I made the choice to change careers from working at a media agency to becoming a teacher. That was a real adventure – and a very challenging time. It was around that time that it all happened.
Finding The One, Whilst Doing Something Bigger And Interesting
I met my girlfriend (now wife) through involving myself in my cultural community and focusing on bringing young members of that community together. I formed the committee, wrote the constitution, and ran the meetings. Our first meet-up had around fifty young people get together; the group got really popular. I learned a lot about putting on events, organising people, leading, coming up with ideas. My attention was definitely on finding the one, but I was also doing something a bigger and interesting.
My point is: by getting involved, by participating, by taking an interest in a range of things – I grew. I found myself. I discovered those things I really liked (and didn’t). I developed passions. And I had something to say in conversation.
Sometimes, it can be easy to miss the wonderful guys around us every day. Sometimes quality men feel ignored – and that can leave us frustrated. There are quality men out there – but they’re hiding in plain sight. They are sharing how they feel: their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Inspiring conversations are great when they happen. But they’re a great indication of something more.
Think about the conversations you have with guys. Are you interested? Is talking with him enlivening – inspiring even? Is there space for you to express yourself? If that’s happening, chances are – he’s a great guy.
Suggested Actions:
- Make a list of the people with whom you have had an inspiring conversation in the last two weeks
- Ask yourself: what actions could you take to increase that number?
- Start to notice how much room you have to express yourself in the conversations you have with men. With whom do you have the most space?
Want more?
Have you ever asked yourself ‘Why can’t I meet good men?’ Discover your ‘Natural Dating Strategy’ and find out the answer.
What’s the biggest thing preventing you listening to the men around you? Let me know in the comments.
Photo by Alex Holyoake on Unsplash
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