I’ve noticed I’ve been using the phrase “relationship journey” in my recent posts.
You change, the world changes – maybe even the destination changes. I invite you to think of it as an empowering way from which to consider creating a relationship.
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Using Google, the word journey is defined as follows:
Noun: an act of travelling from one place to another; a long and difficult process of personal change and development
Verb: travel somewhere
Steps in your Personal Growth
Being on a journey implies growth, movement, and discovery. When we stop growing, or stop moving, you could say that life stops. The journey stops when we die. That might sound a little morbid, but making the most of life is something I suggest is important to all of us. Life is growth. It’s a process of discovery, and moving forward to the next level. By defining it as your “relationship journey” it puts you in charge. It allows you to think of each compliment received, each potential date, each mutual exchange of contact details, and each actual date as steps in your personal growth.
Honour Your Creation
Having a destination for a journey is essential. It provides direction. It gives focus. But more than that – it frees us up to actually enjoy the process of getting there. For a relationship, knowing what you want is key. I’ve written several posts about this – from “The Biggest Reason Women Are Single?” through to “Beggars And Choosers“.
In my coaching, however, I’ve found that one of the biggest blocks to finding the one, is that women create what they’re looking for – but then don’t go on dates with people who match what they want. In this way, women are dishonouring their creation. The inconsistency between the list and the action means inconsistency in the dates, and reduced quality of the men you meet. If you have a list, then go out with people who are matching your list.
There is so much great material about creating what you’re looking for – read, absorb, and practice all you want. My particular framework is a “Be-Do-Have” list explained in detail here. But at the very least – empower yourself in your journey by honouring your creation.
An essential part of any journey, is realising that there are multiple ways to your destination. This means freedom to explore – there are no limits to the journey – from the method to route. You might change direction to get there; you might alter the destination. It’s exactly the same with meeting someone. When I created my original Be-Do-Have list, it gave me space to meet lots of different people. To go on dates and discover if I liked someone. If I didn’t – that was ok (and treating people with respect along the way meant I learned a lot about myself and women). This was a process of ongoing refinement.
Where are you coming from?
What’s driving your journey? Even if you never meet anyone – would you be OK with that? Like really? Be honest with yourself. Is it actually desperation driving you like it was for me? Is it to avoid being alone? Is it to make up for some lack? If so, then the person you meet will match that. Neale Donald Walsch’s “Conversations with God” book series suggests that
“the universe is just a big Xerox [photocopying] machine. It simply produces copies of your thoughts.” If what is driving your relationship journey is a creation; if its purpose is bigger – perhaps to contribute, to be inspired to share life with someone – you’ll meet someone that’s a match.
In Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Habit Two is “begin with the end in mind”. He suggests creating a personal mission statement for your life – so you always know where you’re coming from; it gives you a place to stand – a bit like a constitution. Creating a relationship can be thought of in the same way. Combined with honouring your creation (see above) if you let go of the negative reasons that might be driving you, there’s a chance to create something inspiring.
You’re Already Great As You Are
Overall though, your relationship journey is based on a paradox. Yes it’s a journey, but it can be easy to obsess about the destination. The interesting thing is, when you’re at home with yourself is when the journey starts. I don’t think a relationship journey is like Jerry Maguire with “you complete me”. I start from the point that you’re already great as you are. I focus on discovering your talents and strengths, and then applying them to your process of personal change and development.
Think about the following:
- Where have you not been honouring your creation? What one thing could you do differently?
- Where are you coming from in your relationship journey? What is really driving you?
- Where could you take control of your relationship journey
Have you ever asked yourself ‘Why can’t I meet good men?’ Discover your ‘Natural Dating Strategy’ and find out the answer.