The truth is – men don’t always know what they want – any more than women do.
Men think differently, have different concerns, and approach life from a totally separate perspective. The paradox is – we’re the same because we’re people as well. Obvious – but in the depth of frustration that the relationship journey can be, it’s worth remembering.
Fundamentally therefore, men want the same stuff as women: connection, intimacy, to feel understood, loved, valued, and supported – all the things that bring us together as humanity. However, the key difference is that most men express and manifest these desires in completely different ways to women. Why? Well women and men are two ends of a spectrum (note that the focus of this website is on heterosexual relationships – this is not to discount homosexual relationships – I just have a particular niche). I feel that’s a great thing – because when women and men come together in the context of a relationship, it offers the opportunity to create something even more wonderful.
It’s that opportunity for creation and growth that makes being in an intimate relationship one of the most inspiring things a person can do.
And men want that too.
John Gray’s hugely influential book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” does an amazing job of explaining the paradox of how different, yet how similar we are as men and women. I remember reading it in my twenties and finishing it feeling validated that being a good guy was alright – and equally – displaying more traditional masculine traits was alright too.
But – what’s happening now that makes things even more challenging is that masculinity itself is changing.
I wrote about the unease 21st century men face in my post “Why Do Nice Men Become Players?” Gender roles are altering and men are only just beginning to acknowledge it and start to adapt – and I feel in some not very nice ways (hypermasculinity for example). However, things are changing. Huffington Post UK did a series “Building Modern Men“. I write for the Good Men Project which is doing a great job with “the conversation no-one else is having”.
Still – on the Channel 4 programme “First Dates” when a 30-year-old man asked his date twice about going dutch, viewers were not impressed. Except it turned out he was homeless for two years and has only recently turned his life around. Creating a relationship is difficult. Modern life is changing fast. And yet, whilst men and women are different, we are all people.
Masculinity changing is a big background shift that makes everything in the foreground seem completely different – from paying for dates, through to the frustration of wanting to know what men want.
- Consider that men are struggling too – both trying to find out what women want, and what they would like!
- Think about what you really want – being clear yourself gives you a good foundation when you meet men
- Listen (really listen) to all the guys you know – single and not single – about what they want in a relationship – see what you discover
Have you ever asked yourself ‘Why can’t I meet good men?’ Discover your ‘Natural Dating Strategy’ and find out the answer.